BodymindResources.com

The Heart Journals

Journal Entry:

A Sunset for a Staircase

     I think today for the first time ever, I really saw a sunset. So much of my life has been spent immune to the beauty around me. I know it's there. It knows I'm there, but there is always this wall separating it from myself. But things are changing in my life. And I think the wall is falling. To see this happening, it makes me wonder what could be causing it to fall after all these years? Well I'm certainly working harder than I've ever worked. I have been doing service for others for a long time now, but all of a sudden, I seem to really be giving myself to it. I have been digging steps into the side of a mountain so the elderly people will have a more comfortable climb to the top of it where a Buddhist training will be happening in a few weeks. The task was so far outside of my comfort zone I had no idea how to feel about. Having no reaction, there was nothing left to do but dig. And that’s when it began. I dug and dug and dug and then today, when I stopped digging, I turned around and my senses were blasted with the most indescribable beauty I have ever encountered. The sun was setting just for me. The red and amber hues of light dappled the tops of the surrounding mountains and valley. I could hear cows mooing in the distance and could faintly hear a river running far beneath me. In that moment I swear I couldn't tell where the beauty stopped and I began. I have never felt so alive and filled. I know it is because I gave everything my heart had to give. In my emptiness, I could finally be filled. I realize now that I will only ever be as happy as I am giving. The more I give the greater my freedom. The wall has fallen and I can see clearly now. There is nothing to lose in this life unless you hold back. The second you hold back, you have already lost what you were trying to hang onto. What great trust is required to this happiness game. I know now the direction my life must take and I have the sunset to thank for it.